i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How does it feel to date your dad?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
