she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
