oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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