A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
