My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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