he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
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Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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