i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
