U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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