I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
