Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
