and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
