I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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