@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
