I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
