why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
