kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
