I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
