explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
