What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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