Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
