I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
