You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
