He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
