Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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