Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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