dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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