I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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