Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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