what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
