like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
