Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
