that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
