i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
