Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
