drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
