I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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