is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
