whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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