i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon