About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂