ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
