you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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