I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
