you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
