we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
sarcasm needs its own font
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
