He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
