Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
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