Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
