He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Semen is not good for contacts.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
