6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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