It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
