meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
