I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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