He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
