My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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