mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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