I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
