come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize