it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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