I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
