I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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