He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
