i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
