Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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