I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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