Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
