Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
