I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
