Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
