just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
