a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
babies were throwing up all over the place
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Randomize
