Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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