Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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